I feel like this period I am in is the second most insecure time of my life. The first being the relentless brutality of puberty. But theres something about being on the bridge of college and adulthood. I recently turned nineteen and it was one of the first times (of many, most likely) that I realized I am getting older. Next year I am going to enter a whole new decade. The decade that always seemed so dazzling to me. Twenties being the perfect time for a young woman, in my eyes. So many wonderful things seem to take place in a twenty-something's life. However, I'm already missing the things I had when I was comfortable enough to say I was a teenager.
I was a pretty easy teenager. I wasn't too hormonal and even when I was I wasn't all that bad. Even as a teen, I tried my damnedest to enjoy high school and engross myself in being a kid. That's what I miss, the fact that I was still a kid in some ways. I know it's only been one semester of college and I'm still young, but these thoughts of insecurity of my actual future tends to bother me. The career I think I am destined for seems so much more lucrative and difficult. I have no doubts in myself and my ability to succeed, at all. I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with the idea that it's all up to me now. I'm an ''adult'' more then I was when I turned the legal age.
It doesn't help that I think I chose the wrong college. I'm having such a hard time meeting people that I connect with. It's tiring, really, worrying about making friends. I felt that way when I was a freshman in high school and I feel it all over again. I thought I grew from that awkward time and now I feel as if I've fallen back there. I enjoy meeting people and talking, a lot, so why is it so hard for me? I just don't know why.
I want to transfer but I'm afraid of leaving Manhattan. I have so many opportunities surrounding me. I mean, in one semester of school, I've seen and met over five celebrities. The list includes: Jake Gyllenhaal (I cried after, embarrassingly enough), Jessie Eisenberg, Robert Di Niro, Bradley Cooper, James Lipton, Kayne West, Two Chains (not a fan but whatever!), and that may be it. I might be missing someone. So, how many more people will I have the chance to see?! It's Manhattan. It creates dreams.
I just don't ever want to loose my sense of wonderment. I have so many ambitions and dreams. I don't want to become jaded. I want to be an actress and win more oscars than Katharine Hepburne (she won four, most won for best actress category). You know what? Fuck it. I will be the person I want to be. I will have the life I want. There will be times when I get insecure but it'll only fuel my desire. Stay positive in your dreams and if your dreams don't scare you, then they aren't big enough. And that's one to grow on.
I was a pretty easy teenager. I wasn't too hormonal and even when I was I wasn't all that bad. Even as a teen, I tried my damnedest to enjoy high school and engross myself in being a kid. That's what I miss, the fact that I was still a kid in some ways. I know it's only been one semester of college and I'm still young, but these thoughts of insecurity of my actual future tends to bother me. The career I think I am destined for seems so much more lucrative and difficult. I have no doubts in myself and my ability to succeed, at all. I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with the idea that it's all up to me now. I'm an ''adult'' more then I was when I turned the legal age.
It doesn't help that I think I chose the wrong college. I'm having such a hard time meeting people that I connect with. It's tiring, really, worrying about making friends. I felt that way when I was a freshman in high school and I feel it all over again. I thought I grew from that awkward time and now I feel as if I've fallen back there. I enjoy meeting people and talking, a lot, so why is it so hard for me? I just don't know why.
I want to transfer but I'm afraid of leaving Manhattan. I have so many opportunities surrounding me. I mean, in one semester of school, I've seen and met over five celebrities. The list includes: Jake Gyllenhaal (I cried after, embarrassingly enough), Jessie Eisenberg, Robert Di Niro, Bradley Cooper, James Lipton, Kayne West, Two Chains (not a fan but whatever!), and that may be it. I might be missing someone. So, how many more people will I have the chance to see?! It's Manhattan. It creates dreams.
I just don't ever want to loose my sense of wonderment. I have so many ambitions and dreams. I don't want to become jaded. I want to be an actress and win more oscars than Katharine Hepburne (she won four, most won for best actress category). You know what? Fuck it. I will be the person I want to be. I will have the life I want. There will be times when I get insecure but it'll only fuel my desire. Stay positive in your dreams and if your dreams don't scare you, then they aren't big enough. And that's one to grow on.
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